519. Banquets In Hotels - Middling At Best.

 

  Humans like - or perhaps do not like but have to - get together in large numbers over a meal for numerous and various reasons. I myself sometimes and more often than I wish have to - I have to spend money to dine with others, many of whom I don’t know (and some I can’t bear) -  sometimes large numbers of them, but I have to do it for various reasons. I may not want to but I pull myself together, gird up my loins and trek off to some hotel or the other usually in Birmingham’s city centre to shake hands with people I don’t recognise and sit down to what usually amounts to a mediocre to middling and occasionally awful series of three plates of, er, food. I rarely enjoy it. It’s not my scene. It’s not that I can not make small talk but sometimes it’s just such an effort. And often you have no idea beforehand by whom you will be sitting.

   I think of a dinner where every time I began a conversation with a chap next to me he would instantly break off to deal with another text that had landed on his mobile phone or alternatively he would see some important figure whom he thought could further his career and he would leap up, mid-conversation, and accost the esteemed figure and introduce himself. 

  I think of a dinner (well, more than one actually) where I was seated next to a garrulous fellow who wanted to tell me endlessly - and I mean endlessly - about the development of AI). For a while I thought he was talking about artificial insemination as opposed to artificial intelligence which did not help. Anyway I entered a sort of trancelike state and shut out his gabbling though he did not seem to notice and just ploughed on and I worried about how long this purgatory was going to last as I was keen not to leave the dog alone too long.

  And the really awful thing about large dining gatherings is one sees just how awfully many people eat. Dining etiquette died a long time ago, sacrificed to casualness and hipsterity,  and what we have now is a population whose eating habits stretch from the barely acceptable to the utterly revolting. I find it’s best not to look as some diners will easily put one off one’s food.

  And so to the food. Diversity is much lauded in England. Well, that may well be right, but it has made organising what to eat at a banquet, a remarkably difficult task. There are very few meats one can risk serving; beef is out if there are Hindus present, pork obviously a no-no if Muslim or Jewish guests are participating in the event, leaving lamb (which may be too expensive to serve to a collection of diners who may have variable amounts of wealth) or goat, which may not appeal to traditional English diners, or, obviously, poultry. Chicken would clearly be the primary choice, turkey may be viewed as seasonal, or perhaps something a little more exotic such as Guinea fowl. Fish probably would not win many votes among the alpha males who feel they must eat meat, though normally that would be a steak but that would be impractical in a banquet. If it were to be fish, then salmon would have a very high chance of being uninteresting and dull; sea bass is all the rage but it would it would not be well received by those men who like a nice slab of meat on their plate.

  Religion and cultures make the choosing of what to put on as a main course difficult enough before the challenges laid down by those who choose to be vegetarian or worse still vegan, those who have genuinely serious, life-threatening allergies, and those who do not like a particular ingredient and put it down to them being sensitive or even allergic to that ingredient. What a headache it all is for organisers and chefs.The advantage of serving a vegetarian alternative to the carnivorous main is that the vegetarian dish can be the dish on offer to those from various religious and cultural backgrounds. One rather fashionable dish is the vegetarian counter to beef Wellington - vegetable Wellington - and on balance that sounds just the right dish to serve as an alternative to meat - an extra bit of effort put in to remind the diner of a classic British dish and to enable the vegetarian not to feel neglected.

  So. I was dining at the Park Regis hotel at Five Ways in the company of about eighty people What would we be served and how good would it be? The dining room is at the top of the building on the 16th floor and there is a spectacular view of the city beneath it, the large dining area was smart and modern, the tables nicely laid and the staff efficient, smartly turned out, and polite. Who could ask for anything more? Well, of course we must not forget the food. I had dined before at the Park Regis when it had set up a chaotic Indian style restaurant, the Indus, in the restaurant where, I suspected, breakfast was served in the morning. It was one of the worst dining experiences I have had in the city either before or since. Hopefully, the meal in this rather more attractive and glamorous setting would be a considerable improvement on the defunct Hindus restaurant. It could hardly have been worse.

  The meal was pretty straightforward, appropriately lacking in ambition but decent enough. The word ‘middling’ comes to mind and the feeling that anything different should not have been expected. This is  not a criticism of the chef or the hotel, merely a statement of what one’s expectations should be when dining simultaneously with a group of such numbers.

  To start I chose pressed ham hock terrine which was splendidly bland which is also a reasonable description of the accompanying pickled shallots and ‘smooth pea mayonnaise’. There was the inevitable pea shoot garnish as we have come to expect.

  The main course was served rusticly and was made up of a supreme of chicken which was very satisfactory with the chicken being well cooked, only very slightly over, though not particularly exploding with flavour. There was a joyless (though described in the menu as ‘vibrant’) stalk of uncharismatic pak choi, a vegetable which God invented on one of his off days, reasonably well cooked carrot and middling but far from the worst I’ve been served mashed potato and a chicken gravy which did nothing to enhance the dish. There was no oomph to the dish, nothing to lift it from the average. Perhaps we got what we were paying for. Some stuffing with a bit of zinginess might have helped. This dish was decent enough but delivered little pleasure.

 The dessert was reasonably enjoyable - a William pear tart - the pear was soft and the pastry quite pleasant and the menu stated that it was served with a chocolate ganache (it wasn’t), a ginger crumble which I assume was the stuff on top of the tart though it was unrecognisable as having a crumble texture  and the flavour of ginger I found to be undetectable. There was a pink smear across the plate and a remarkably unseasonable half strawberry.

  This was a thoroughly edible meal though it brought nothing with it to excite the diner. It was certainly better than that served recently to me at a ‘banquet’ at the Hotel du Vin but these ‘banquet’ meals where large numbers are catered for are generally depressing affairs. Rule - if someone wants you to go one of these functions then find a reason to say no. Unless of course the quality of the food is of no concern to you.

Rating:- 🌛🌛.

21 November 2025.

518. GULP Collaboration With1485 Wines, Again.

 

  Once more, with much delicious anticipation, to Kay Winwood’s GULP, quietly nestled as it is among the jewellery factories on Spencer Street and this particular evening proving to be a warm and welcome haven from a monstrous downpour which had gone on all day, its nasty behaviour softened by it having been given a woman’s name - I forgot what it was - Deirdre perhaps, or Rebecca or Judith or anything really but whatever it was called it had the wrath of one who had been spurned, as the saying goes.(See Blog 512). Drenched but unbowed, I once more climbed the steep, ancient staircase up to the lovely dining room and was warmly greeted by both Kay and her dining room. and a couple of old faces frequently met at these special dining occasions.

  Tonight, once more, it was a dramatically kindly priced wine and dinner collaboration between GULP and 1485 Wines with the featured wines being those from the Moscone Winery in Dolcetto d’Alba. This turned out to be a very good evening. The meal started with the always welcome selection of salumi   A lovely choice of meats paired with enjoyable focaccia. Then on to a truly tasty plate of open ravioli stuffed with pea and ricotta - a freshness and deliciousness more of spring than of a grim autumn evening and very moreish.

  As we went along the representative of Moscone Winery presented the accompanying wines. I particularly enjoyed the Reblanc Langhi DOC which was paired with the dish that followed the next course - well roasted sweet squash enlivened by thyme and given texture by crunchy hazelnuts. This was a fine vegetarian dish - our chef was on the top of her game.

  Then, one of my favourite dishes of the year - superbly and perfectly cooked braised chicken - moist and tender - a triumph of chicken cookery and served beautifully alongside  green beans cooked absolutely spot on and again, for well-calculated texture - almonds as well as sorrel.

  Next, shifting to the food which was paired with the red wines, a slow-cooked beef ragu which was a little dry, I thought, though the accompanying pasta and cheese helped one to not dwell too much on that. In all, an enjoyable dish despite that one fault.

  We were well satiated and very impressed with the food we had been served. The meal was rounded off with a sharing plate of  frozen grapes - deliciously sweet - paired with squares of not fine overly aggressive chocolate, edible flowers and cheeses. A simple enough dessert I suppose but very welcome at the end of this very pleasing dinner.

  As I polished off the remainder of my final wine, I admired the table decorations and nosily watched what was going on in the factory next door and it took me back to when I was teenager and worked as an office boy in my summer holidays in one of the many Jewellery Quarter factories such as this. No-one then would ever have imagined that the Jewellery Quarter would become so gentrified and one of Birmingham’s centres of fine dining. 

Que sera sera

Whatever will be will be

The Future’s not our’s to see 

Que sera sera

What will will be .

To be honest, I did indeed know what my immediate future was - stepping out into the bleak wet night having summoned my Uber. And so, it came to pass.

517. Namaste England.

 

  I described a visit to the West Heath located Namaste England back in May 2025 (Blog 484) and reported that I had found it to be a pleasant experience. Very shortly after dining there it closed without warning (trade did appear to be rather slow) but, with something of a flurry, it reopened on 11 November with a little flurry of advertising on social media.

  I was therefore interested to make a return visit and found that the owners had clearly had a rethink including opening for lunch (which suits me very much) and adding much more colour to the place with garlands of flowers hanging from the windows, more pictures and a lovely mural featuring a pair of elephants along one of the walls. Service was charming and genuine and the food cooked it seemed by a different chef - a lady keen to receive feedback - was excellent .

  I have no pretensions when it comes to south Asian food - I do not seek out “authenticity” as so many who claimed to know about the subject used to do in the past and determinedly gave the cold shoulder to anything that wasn’t eaten with fingers nor was was served “on the bone”. I like nice tasty food, nowadays less spicy than I may once have chosen to eat, nicely presented and if possible with elements of the sweet and the sour. 

  The food at Namaste England did have the ring of authenticity to it, I thought, but was readily appealable to a western plalte. It was very well prepared but had a refined rusticity to it.

  To start I had a very good lassi and four really exquisite little onion bhajis - tasty and with a crispy exterior - served with soothing raita. Very enjoyable. My main was a fine meaty lamb rogan Josh with just the right amount of heat in it. It looked tempting and lived up to its appearance.i had a reasonable buttered naan with it.

  Then, for dessert, came a real gem - a delicious homemade pistachio kulfi served in a pretty lidded dish. Lots of south Asian restaurants serve bought-in kulfis but this was the real McCoy - absolutely top notch. It is worth returning to the restaurant for the kulfi alone.

  Here we have it then, a fine little suburban restaurant which is just a little different from many such dining establishments, serving good food where the diner notches up a very modest bill. If this were located in Stirchley tge hipsters would be pouring in already.

Rating:- 🌛🌛🌛🌛

13 November 2025.

516. Folium In Autumn.

 

  Folium remains the most peaceful haven of culinary pleasure in Birmingham. It certainly seems that way whenever I dine there. Even on a grim, dark autumn day the restaurant is full of light as the large window lets in any brightness squeezing through the dense clouds lowering over St Paul’s Square, a few yards down the road. The welcome from Lucy Hanson is relaxed and friendly, the service she gives is spot on and Ben Tesh’s food which she serves is unimpeachable. I have no doubt that if Folium were situated in London then it would have ling been awarded a Michelin star.

  On this occasion there had been tweaks to the menu. 

 

As an amuse gueule, there was now a toothsome croustade with Winterbourne trout and brown butter, a play on potted shrimps. Then, so familiar and excitedly anticipated, the spectacularly delicious homemade sourdough, so tasty and excitingly crispy on the outside, with Folium’s equally delightful cultured butter.

  The first course proper a tartare of Cornish blue fin tuna - tasty in a relaxed sort of way and very happily textured - along with shiso from Westlands in Evesham. There followed line-caught sea bream, cooked just as I like it, and a red pepper espuma with brioche, useful for mopping up the remaining sauce.

  The next course was a Folium old friend - wagyu short rib - on this occasion the texture was exactly spot on for me - with marinated chicory which gave sweetness to the bitterness of the endive. I then had the additional cheeses course which included Lincolnshire Poacher and Northern Blue. The cheeses were served in an excellent state and accompanied by Ben Tesh’s own crackers and heaven-sent fruit loaf as well as a pleasing quince jelly.

  There was a new dessert - a frozen passion fruit and marshmallow tart - very good - and then a triumph of texture - “yesterday’s sourdough” with rye caramel and the crunch of cobnut.  Afterwards the two mignardises - an old friend - the perfect pleated barley Madeleine with Cotswold whisky cream and a sweet little sunflower macaron filled with cep fudge - yet again, I use the word ‘delightful. After a nice chat with Lucy over a glass of port I headed back home, crossing St Paul’s Square, then up Newhall street and through St Philip’s churchyard where the Christmas craft market was underway with a vehicle selling Asha’s dishes at a prominent point near the cathedral.

Rating:- 🌝🌝🌝.

7 November 2025.

  But no time to stop, on through the churchyard, down Temple Street to New Street station to find, as often happens, trains delayed or cancelled. Hospitality businesses are under threat in the city centre for many reasons but having a failed public transport system which should be bringing people in from the suburbs to patronise the fine city centre restaurants does not help at all. Hopeful commuters were standing ten deep waiting on the platform for the severely late trains to arrive. If the city’s hospitality trade is to thrive then good, fast, easy access to the city centre from the suburbs is needed. But the system fails almost on a daily basis. Birmingham needs good political leadership to put it back on its feet and sort out its problems and those in power at present seem to have no idea of how get the city up and running again.

515. A Week In Weston.

 

  The dog and I resolved to enjoy ourselves at Birmingham’s traditional seaside resort of Weston super Mare as I and my previous Labrador had done before for about thirteen years. Birmingham has no sea and Weston does and Labradors should have as much time swimming in the sea as they possibly can in their all-too-short lifetimes. Weston is also the nearest seaside resort by train to Birmingham as one can find. Hence to Weston. 

  It is a shadow of what it was in the 1950s and 60s as regards the number of visitors and the resort was very quiet during the week that we visited. Some days were wet, some windy, some cold - “fresh”, you might say - and I suppose that is why most British prefer to endure the process of flying to some hot, sunny resort in southern Europe or Turkey or further afield if they can afford it. They don’t know what they are missing. The beach at Weston is fabulous even if it’s usually too cold to sit on it for very long and the sea races in and out waiting for no man, like time, as the saying goes. It is perfect for an old bloke with a hyperactive puppy and the town is quiet and unthreatening and relaxing though most of the important shops there have closed and a lot of the people there look quite poor.

  It certainly is a town for ‘working people’ as the politicians like to call the working class in these present times. It is nowhere near posh enough for a Michelin inspector to trouble themself to visit and not middle class hipsterish enough for the Good Food Guide to take any interest in it. True, a few years ago Michelin did include the excellent Cove restaurant in the hallowed pages of its Guide but the Cove has long closed and Weston remains sans mention in either of these two publications. 

  The Cove is much missed by myself - the setting was one of overlooking the bay and was lovely especially at sunset and the unnamed chef(s) was/were masters of fish and shellfish preparation and cookery. I lunched or dined (sometimes both) there every day when I was in Weston and when the restaurant was open and its closure remains a sad event in my life. It closed, I think, about 2016 and eventually after a considerable period of dithering, the RNLI took it over as its local headquarters, ‘visitors centre’ and gift shop. The Cove did not do well on the ghastly Tripadvisor on which malign commentators wrote a number of harmful reviews which meant that The Cove was pushed well down the local rankings. Most of the negativity was centred on the admittedly at times inexplicably slow service though that may well have been because the restaurant attempted to train young people in front of house service and waiters therefore sometimes appeared cheerful and keen to help but rather slow and mildly clueless. 

  I experienced so many hours of happy dining at The Cove, indulging in some remarkably well prepared dishes - I remember a wonderful starter of delicious cauliflower panna cotta, fresh crab, various fish dishes including an ambitious and successful en papillote; The Cove served fine and well loved moules marinière. Ah! Such pleasures. Lost. But remembered. And all in Weston super Mare; who’d have thought it?

  But that was then and this is now. Of equal importance to Weston’s dining out history is the immortal Papa’s fish and chip restaurant which I have described previously. These are not triple cooked chips nor is the fish in little lumps a couple of cubic centimetres in size but generously portioned, lightly and crisply battered fine white cod meat and chips, not crispy on the outside but well cooked and tasty. The restaurant is atmospheric and its decor celebrates its history. Papa’s was my first port of call and great pleasure was derived from my cod and chips. A plate of fish and chips at Papa’s is a necessity on every visit to Weston.

  It was mid-autumn, night fell early, the weather was bipolar - raining one minute, brightly sunny the next. For the next three evenings I dined at The Old Thatched Cottage, right on the seafront, a few yards from the beach and nextdoor to my hotel. I had not eaten there for some years - I had not been impressed on my only visit there - I had fish which was badly overcooked and the waitress had seemed cold and unwelcoming. But it was time to give it another try. And  was delighted. The welcome was pleasing, the restaurant both spacious and cosy and comfortable and the menu had an emphasis on a mixture of the traditional English and traditional Greek, on the chargrilled and on the marine.

  I had a lovely prawn cocktail as my starter - a generous portion of sweet, plump crustaceans in a particularly pleasing Marie Rose sauce with a fresh crisp salad. Then for my main, a magnificently tender and tastilly grilled pork chop, lovingly French trimmed, with some exceptionally fine triple-cooked chips and a couple of sweet onion rings. This dish was a palpable hit. I rounded off with a soothing affogato and as contentedly as one might feel, I walked back to my hotel next door, taking in the mid-autumn seaside evening.

  The next evening, as starter I chose a very underwhelming dish of ‘chorizo bites’ and then for my main a truly delicious and perfectly cooked chargrilled chicken, bountiful in size, served with what I assume was a well cooked cous cous (I rarely choose to eat it so its optimal texture is not something I can comment on but this filled me with little pleasure reminding me, as it did, of small balls of tapioca though the salad and dressing - hits of refreshing mint and lemon) were lovely. For dessert, I was stuck in affogato mode - it’s such an enjoyable combination of pudding course and after dinner coffee and nice and light after a mesmerisingly generous piece of chicken.

  For my third dinner at The Old Thatched Cottage, I happily sank a toothsome pina colada to start while getting on with a very pleasing chicken liver pâté which lacked the bitterness that some examples of this dish often bring with them and on it sat an equally pleasing red onion chutney which was just right for cutting through the richness of the paté. For my main, some really excellent beer battered haddock - light crispy batter and nice, well-cooked meaty fish. The chips were excellent and the peas were fine and underlined the traditionality of it all. To be fair this was a dish I probably enjoyed more than my Papa’s fish and chips but  I would never miss the opportunity to visit Papa’s. Afterwards - well, affogato again I’m afraid.

  For my Cottage dinner, the next evening, I returned to the Greek theme. As a starter I had a generous plate of undistinguished olives with a pleasing, not overly garlicky hummus and refreshing tzatziki and some rather nice flatbread.Then for my main I chose what turned out to be a beautifully grilled chicken  thigh souvlaki - very pleasingly moist and tasty and this was served with a generously portioned fresh Greek salad, more tzatziki and flatbread.  This was a thoroughly enjoyable main course.

Rating:- 🌛🌛🌛🌛.

   The final dinner of my seaside visit was eaten at an old favourite of mind - a friendly, warm, cosy, welcoming sort of place about which I have written before - the splendid Ginger Pig Kitchen. I found that it remained as enjoyable as ever - not much has changed since my last visit (including most of the menu) but the meal gave me great pleasure. To start I chose a newcomer to the menu - a delightful, sweet French onion soup with gorgeously sweet onions, the broth hot enough to make it a dish to sip slowly and a decent cheesy crouton blanketing it all. It was accompanied by a slab of the Ginger Pig’s focaccia which is made on site and is very good.

  Then there could be nothing better on a nasty autumn evening, with a biting wind sweeping in from the Bristol Channel and the rain cascading from the black skies, than a Ginger Pig homemade pork and cider pie on a bed of very satisfactory mash, crispy rocket, a pig in a blanket, smashed peas and for me, a rather overgenerous lake of good gravy. Stuck in the top, as usual, was a crispy twig of pork crackling which had a satisfactorily not excessive crispiness. Then there could pie itself was a very good size, the pastry just right and the meat inside plentiful and tender.

For dessert, inevitably, affogato; this extravagantly enhanced with pieces of honeycomb to add to and sweeten the mix.

Rating:- 🌛🌛🌛

My week in Weston was over and I was well fed.

27-31 October 2025.